so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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