I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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