Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
