you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
