jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
