we have officially lost it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
