Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
what day is it and did you see me today?
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
