I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
