Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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