Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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