you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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