it wasn't lemon gatorade
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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