if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
