I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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