I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
