Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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