plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
