Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
