you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
