sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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