help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
