yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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