You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
