so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
