I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
