Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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