That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
