I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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