It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
