she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
