I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
