how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
