what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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