Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
