i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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