bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
