OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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