fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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