Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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