I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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