sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
