I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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