i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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