you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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