Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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