The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
