I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
