You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
