Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
