I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
